Disillusion. etymology “to free, or be freed, from illusion,” 1855. From a noun disillusion, meaning the “act of freeing from illusion.” (1814)

Illusions are magic. They are beautiful. They add wonder to life.

As long as we know they are illusions.

It is only when we believe they are real, build our sense of self around them, build our lives around them, build our views of our fellow human beings around them, attempt to build nations around them, that they become dangerous.

Still, when the moment of disillusion hits it’s devastating.

What I built my life on doesn’t matter.

The person I loved has been an impostor.

My brother gave his life for nothing.

My mother is not faultless.

My father is afraid.

My nation is not truly free.

I have always felt the moment of disillusion as one of the most depressing moments in life, and in the stories I love.

Until this moment, at least, there was hope. At least, there was a chance.

But recently, I thought about the word. And I looked up the etymology.

“To free, or be freed, from illusion.”

To free, or be freed, from illusion.

To free, or be freed from illusion.

That sounds positive. important. necessary. It sounds like what needs to happen for a person, or a group, or a nation to have any hope of moving into the future, surviving or thriving, based on something real.

Why does it feel so negative?

So crushing and painful.

–Existential-level threat type of painful.

Well, there was a reason for holding onto that illusion so long.

If I just do this, then maybe–. If I just give them another chance, then maybe–.  If we just fulfill the roles that are expected, then maybe–.

Those lies we told ourselves, or each other, those illusions we were buying into, were covering up frightening and unimaginable truths.

We spent a huge chunk of our lives on something that doesn’t matter.

We need to end this relationship.

This nation was built on inequality. 

This person is not equipped to love me.

The utopia I dreamed of will never exist.

But it is not the moment of disillusion that determines the end of the story.

It is the choice after.

I have been such a fool, we think, or the character, in the story we love, thinks. How could I not have seen this all along? 

But…

Without the moment of disillusion, Mary never finds the courage to free herself, and her people, from Doro’s grasp. She goes on denying her power, and leaving her fate in Doro’s hands. Forever.

Without the moment of disillusion, Andy Dufresne never takes the risk to break himself out of prison. He goes on believing hope and the law is all it will take to set him free.

Without the moment of disillusion, Adama never gives the final, Hail Mary, command that leads the survivors to Earth. He plummets in a crumbling vessel, and takes the rest of the crew down with him.

Without disillusion, Celie never confronts Mr. and leaves. She goes on believing it’s too great of a risk to go.

Because it is the disillusion of a false hope, or belief, that creates a fork in the road.

Sink into damnation and despair, and stay there.

And show us the perils of clinging to illusions of the past.

Or redefine self, and the future, based on what is known now.

This is when we find out what’s what.

In the face of this existential-level threat, what is there to hold on to, what will happen next, who are they going to be?

The response to the disillusion is what we read, and watch, for in our favorite stories.

It is what we’re most interested in.

Because, on some level, we know it’s what determines how the story turns out.

 

© 2019. Written by Nika Patrice. All Rights Reserved.